On the way home, I stopped by the ATM and pulled a couple of hundred. I stopped by the gun shop and picked up some more ammunition. The owner knew me and my records were in his files so it went quickly.We arrived home and finished loading. Both Doris and I were orphans now. My parents had been killed in an automobile accident. Doris's parents had died in a freak fire. My brother and Doris's brother and sister all lived on the coasts so we were on our own. I put Charles in the car with Doris and a rifle. I took Melody and sat a rifle between us on the seat. I told Charles and Doris that they were to shoot first and worry later. No one was to stop us and, while I didn't want bloodshed, we had our plan.Fortunately, the trip was uneventful. We arrived at the cabin closing the main gate behind us. I left the ladies to unload and took Charles out the drive on the tractor. We pulled an old tree across the road to give it a more abandoned look. It wasn't much but might stop casual folk from. (Atleast that's what I tried to convince myself of.)" A day, a week, a month, an hour! What difference does thatmake? You're dressed like a damn pervert and I will nothave it!"Had I not been so emotionally stressed at the time I wouldhave shut him out completely. (more or less) He had died,he was gone, and I no longer had to seek his approval.RIGHT? Yeah right. He was as real to me at that point as hehad ever been. I kept wondering:"What if he's sitting up there on a cloud somewhere lookingdown, watching me, knowing that I was disappointing himagain, sending his thoughts into my head from up there."Irrational? Of course. Unusual? Under the circumstances Idoubt it. Don't be so quick to judge until you experienceit yourself. Rationalizations come easy to the human brain,one of those higher functions people talk about that setsus apart from the so called "lower" life forms.Susan of course could tell immediately how fragile myemotional state was as she closely followed me into herhouse.
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